His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
