Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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