so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
