I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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