Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
