apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
