I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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