I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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