Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
