as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Randomize
