so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
