Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
