He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
