So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hippo gnu deer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
