He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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