I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
