i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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