I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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