My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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