A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
