No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
