I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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