You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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