i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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