remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
