we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
