that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
