I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
