I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
