So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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