I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
