I hate all girls vehemently.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
