I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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