Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize