i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
