im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
