ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
