Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
