My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Randomize
