I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
