Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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