This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize