I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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