You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
