Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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