If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
In America we eat man semen.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He better not be in your backpack
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
