Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
