I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
