Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
