Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
