That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
thus making me awesome and them whores
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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