My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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