Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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