Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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