Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
