Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
