I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Randomize
