Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
