We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
