Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
