I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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