Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Someone came in the potted fern
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
