I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize