all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
