Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
