your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
