I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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