And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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