the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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